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Saturday, 24 August 2013

Saturday-Fatterday

Today has been quite the failure in regards to losing weight.  I feel very disappointed in myself.  It rained all day today and so I used that as an excuse to literally just lay in bed all day watching TV and playing on the Xbox.  I think I've probably only walked around 100 steps at the most.  So now, I feel guilty, the day has passed by and I've wasted a day of weight loss, meaning I am a day further away from my goals. :(  I'm the only one to blame,  I need to stop making excuses for myself to be lazy and just man up to the challenge.

It's not that I'm no longer motivated because I am.  For example, my Dad knew I was feeling crappy so he bought me chicken kebab and cheesy chips for my dinner and also bought some cake.  So I ate the chicken kebab and salad, but left half the pitta, ate half the chips and somehow, resisted eating the cake.  (Although I gave the chocolatey goodness a good sniff!) This reaffirms that I am still on the right track because a couple of months ago I would have scoffed the lot and not given it a second thought.

It's just sooo difficult.  Day to day isn't too bad really apart from when I have failed myself, but I keep getting drawn into the thoughts of I have to lose over 7 stone before I'm in a healthy range for my height.  That's around 45% of me. It took me a year to put on 3 stone when my mum passed away and then another year to lose 1.5 stone of that.  I feel like the 'me' I expect to see in the mirror and never do is still so far away that it feels unachievable a lot of the time and it makes me want to just give into the obesity.  But, then again, that's how I got into this situation of turning 23 at 17 stone.  I can remember being 13 stone when I was 15/16 and feeling like it was such a long way to go to be healthy that I didn't think I could do it and so I just settled into obesity.

Being overweight and therefore, tired and lazy, is all I've ever known. In truth, I'm terrified of being healthy and slim because I know it will change me.  Also, being stressed about it being so long a road is a bit silly I think because it's not like once I get there I can stop exercising and eat all the foods I like again.  This has to be a lifestyle change and not just a temporary alteration.

I've also come up with a new way to check progress in relation to my body strength and that is to constantly try and maintain and eventually beat my Personal Best times at Planking and Wall sits.  I tried it yesterday and could only manage 13 seconds plank (after which I was sweatier than if I'd ran!) and managed to build up to a 45 second wall sit.  (Here is the lovely Bob Harper from Biggest Loser showing how to do a plank properly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_iG_DWLdN8 )

Well, tomorrow is a new day, Sunday - Runday? I need to work my ass off tomorrow to ensure I meet my weight loss goal of being 15 stone 11 on Tuesday weigh in. 3 days to lose a further 1.5lb is achievable as long as I actually move from the bed!

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